Join Me at the Brown Paper Bag Oracle

Dear Friends,

If you have been enjoying the posts here at 2 Screaming Chicks, I wanted to take a moment to invite you to join me at The Brown Paper Bag Oracle. Aside from my other personal blog, The Inner Bean, where I post regularly about my experiences in the writing world, I will be blogging entertainment, foodie love and enjoyment over at the Brown Paper Bag Oracle. From time to time I will add my posts here as well, but I'd love for you to join me there. I post far more regularly there, and of course, I always have crazy things to say. :)

Hope to see you there,

Jenny Bean

BAM! You're Outta Here!

So here it is Wednesday. I know, I know, it's bad that I only know the days of the week by what televisions show is on that night, but it hasn't been so bad being only consciously aware of Wednesdays and Fridays these last few weeks. Wednesday is Top Chef night, as anyone who is ANYONE can tell you, and tonight kicks off the first half of a two week season finale.

The finale four (somehow I keep confusing them with the final four surviving cylons on Battlestar Galactica, and it's only the fact that it's Wednesday that keeps me straight...) are off to New Orleans, Louisiana, where they will face off against on another in Emeril Lagasse style challenge. Emeril (BAM!) will not only be acting as a guest judge, but will be responsible for helping the judges choose TWO of the final four to go on to next week's final round: the Top Chef FACEDOWN! That means two will be eliminated. (I can perform basic math skills! WOO!)

If you've been watching, and I KNOW you have, of the original seventeen contestants Hosea, Carla, Fabio and Stefan are all that's left. According to some of the discussion I've seen floating around on Eric Ripert's personal website, there's some kind of mistake that was made during Eric's spot as guest judge two episodes earlier... Apparently people believe that my hero, Stefan Richter, should have been sent home. Stefan, who WON the elimination challenge during that episode, who was said by Eric Ripert in his blog recap of the show, to have cooked the lobster dish to 99% accuracy in comparison to the dish he was presented with.... but Stefan should have gone home, not Jamie.

Jamie whined through every episode, either moping about how doomed she was and how she couldn't possible win, or moaning about how she thought she should have won that challenge over "insert contestant name here." On top of all that whining, there was also the whole blah of her general attitude when it came to preparing dishes that she just "wasn't in to cooking," or that "weren't her style." Apparently she didn't hear Fabio when he said, "This is Top Chef, not Top Pussy!" Oh, wait, she was eliminated before he said that, sorry.

So my prediction on who is going to win tonight and go on to the final round... I know you're dying to hear it, so after consulting with an oracle who sees all of her visions in the grease stain on a fish and chips bag the answer is: Stefan Richter. Not only is Stefan going to win the challenge, but he's going to blow everyone else out of the water (as long as he doesn't get TOO confident, as we've seen both times he's been on the bottom it's been the direct result of that adorable ego of his.) Second to Stefan is going to be close. Fabio has come a long way, and I think it's possible he's been underestimated, but hot on his heels is Carla with her chef knives high, crying "Hootie Who!" The oracle has said to put her money Carla, and I concur. SO it's Carla and Stefan on to the final elimination cook-off. Hootie Who!

Notice how I did not include Hosea in the debate above? That's because in my mind, I sent Hosea home three episodes ago. It's my defense mechanism. The more smack he talks about Stefan, the more invisible he becomes. Why? Because I don't doubt that Hosea can dance his way around a kitchen, but I do doubt that he can stand against Stefan's twenty-some years of experience and training as a Chef. Stefan said himself last week, "I don't think Hosea has the balls to be a Chef." And in the end, it really boils down to the fact that Stefan is just a way hotter bald guy. BAM!

So if you can't wait until tonight to see the first three minutes of Top Chef, follows this link: Top Chef in New Orleans

And meet me back here after the show tonight and we'll dish about what Stefan was wearing when he kicked everyone's chef pants.

I Know They Say There's Nothing New Under the Sun...

But seriously, Hollywood, get off your fat, lazy behinds and do something new. I am sick do death of remakes, especially of classic horror films. Yesterday I found out that they hired the guy who did Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video to direct the new "A Nightmare on Elm Street" movie. Hello! Why do we need a remake of that movie when the old one is still perfectly terrifying? So they redid "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Halloween." Now "Friday the 13th" is coming out and Freddy Krueger (minus Robert Englund,) will be back to torment Nancy and her teenage friends.

There are ideas out there. I have them all the time myself. I am not sharing them with you, Hollywood, because you're lazy thieves. You can create newer, better, scarier monsters than ever. Just look at the time we live in, look at the things going on in the world. There is plenty of fodder for the hideous and grotesque.

GROW YOUR OWN IDEAS! Stop stealing them from other people, putting a spit-shine on them and passing them off as your own.

Please.

I'm begging you.

Stefan, You Must Never Scare Me Like That Again!

Overcooked salmon, dear world, overcooked salmon. Eight people at the table all agreed that Stefan's salmon was overcooked. I thought for sure that my Top Chef fave was not going to make it into the final four. As they showed the judges and guests enjoying their meals, I honestly heard more complaint about Stefan's plate than anyone else's, but apparently there is a God and he spoke through Tom Colicchio, who decided that mushy egg and runny hollandaise sauce was far more punishable than well-flavored, but overcooked salmon.

To tell the truth, overcooked or not, after some of the not-so-appetizing things I've seen Leah pull off these last few weeks, I would much rather eat at Stefan's restaurant than Leah's. And besides, I'm still a little peeved that Leah's laziness got Ariane sent home.

Now I know this is just a short little blurb tonight, but I have to say once again that the constant smack-talk about how Stefan just needs to be beat is not endearing. It does not make me like you (coughhoseacough). In fact, it makes me wonder why you're so jealous of him. It's like you know you can't win, so instead you're just going to talk some smack. Or maybe the fact that you're not formally trained is intimidating... I don't know.

All I do know is that no matter what anyone says or thinks of me, I'm in it all the way for Stefan.

Please, Pack Your Knives and Come Cook for Me

I know, I know, it's been awhile since I had anything to scream about. I've been neglecting my vocal cords, but here I am, back in black and ready to strap on the foam finger and wave Stefan Richter right on through to the Top Chef New York season finale.

I realize that supporting Richter could potentially earn me a bit of slack. After all, he's possibly one of the most arrogant contestants ever to have appeared on Top Chef, as if anyone thought that was even possible after Marcel. On the contrary, there is something much more appealing about Richter's arrogance, and he has certainly proven himself these last few weeks.

I started routing for Stefan when he decided to take it upon himself to seduce the series' lesbian, Jamie, to no avail. Then there was his shirt, "I Make Great Babies." How could you not love a guy with confidence in his sperm count? One of the greatest motivators, however, was when rival contestant Hosea decided to compare his own skill level to Stefan's, grasping at any opportunity he could get in front of the camera to bash the Danish-born, German-raised chef.

During the entire season of Top Chef, Stefan has been on the bottom only once (a complete farce, let me tell you,) which just goes to show he obviously likes control. And if you've got any doubts about his skills, watch this man handle a writhing eel!

Mad Eel Skills

While his arrogance is obviously an issue for many Top Chef viewers, I think there is a lacking "entitlement" that makes that arrogance endearing. The same arrogance on Hosea is lacking in charm, evidence of definite overwatered-wallflower syndrome (ie, he thinks he deserves better, but won't take action to prove himself, unless it's when making out with fellow contestant, Leah, but that's another story.)

My Top Chef prediction is that Stefan is going to take it all the way to the finale and mop up the competition because there hasn't been a chef on there this season who can compare to his skill or his confidence.